I envision a future in which man is judged by his peers and by society solely on his creation – on his music, on his art, on his invention. Where every human life is valued because every human life is the potential for creation. And where people understand the following: Respecting every individual’s ability to create is respecting society as a whole, for stability comes from diversity, and diversity comes from freedom.

There are those who say if everyone received everything they ever needed, then nobody would ever work. That may be true. I also, however,  believe that we need to create. It’s in our blood, it’s in our spirits. It’s human. I believe that if everyone received food and clothing and shelter, we wouldn’t actually cease to make progress — in fact, I believe we would make more progress. You may ask, what incentive is there? Why would anyone waste time creating? The answer is quite simple. It’s not respect from colleagues. It’s not the survival of the human race, even. It’s individual. It’s selfish. It’s the sheer feeling of accomplishment. The very pride in our individual selves that defines us as separate and distinct from others. It’s that happiness in becoming something tangible, something real and solid and definite, that one feeling that no amount of money could ever buy.

You don’t get that feeling? Well I do. But only when I separate myself from the expectations of others. Only when I separate myself from the constant pressure of retaining the ability to survive. But when those needs are met, when I feel completely safe — from financial collapse, from judgment — that’s when I look ahead. That’s when I strive forward. And I believe that every single human being in this world was born with that capacity. The desire to look forward, to create, to be.

Can every man be an artist? Perhaps not now, but I envision a future in which he can. In which manual labor can be done with our inventions alone and our minds are free to wander and wonder. To search the great vastness of this universe, but first, to understand our planet and ourselves. Every man was born an artist. And every man is capable of so much creative ambition, if only he didn’t have to worry about the little things. Those little things that are necessary for our survival, but by no means sufficient for our happiness. Once we can look past the little things, only then will we be able to truly come together and free our minds from the constraints of our bodies. Only then will the sheer brilliance of our ideas, in all their radiant, sparkling color, explode us into the darkness of the unknown. And the starlight emanated from each of us individually, together, will reach the deepest corners of our universe. The beginning, the end, and the spaces in between the lines. Truth will kneel before us, unreservedly, and offer us Perfection. And we will, without hesitation, accept.

I think we make things too easy for ourselves.

I think there is something inherently unnatural about all these straight lines, straight edges.

I think we need to be wary of menial tasks. Plugging numbers into equations. Straight lines, straight edges.

Where in nature do you see a perfect 3-4-5 right triangle?

But this is not as much a statement about math as it is about us. Who are we, really? What really matters? At times, it seems an easy answer; you may rattle off things such as “happiness”. But that’s because you are happy, at that moment.

When you’re not happy, what place does happiness have? When you look at the world objectively, what slot does it hold? Is it really our goal? Our ultimate effort? The culmination of centuries of discovery, innovation, creativity?

Happiness?

When am I happy?
1. When I express new emotion, through music, through color.
2. When I express some truth about the world in a way I’ve never heard it before.
3. When I gain in understanding about the universe.
4. When I feel completely safe.

Does math contribute to (3)? When we learn more about math, do we learn more about our universe or do we simply learn more about the system we’ve created to mimic the universe? Isn’t math just a man-made construction? Like a skyscraper, or a piece or machinery?

Doesn’t it seem… inherently unnatural?

I need to create. Something. But I want it to be something grander than a symphony. I want it to be grander than a painting, grander than a film.

I want it to fix our problems; not a work of art, but a work of truth. I think math can offer me truth, understanding it, realizing it. I want to be able to piece things together and make us all whole.

I don’t “enjoy” math. I don’t “enjoy” problem-solving in the mathematical sense. I understand the constructs, I understand it as a tool. What I’m looking for is not some cool number sequence, or how to use calculus in fun new ways, or to maximize the output of some commercial industry. I’m looking for the truth behind it all, the reality in some strange sort of abstract dimension of math. What makes us real? What makes it possible? What is life?

My life goal? I don’t know… but it’s after midnight and I’m tired as fuck. I just… don’t know what else to do with myself than this.

When we’re little, we’re always trying to figure out where the pieces go. How things are connected, how things work. We ask questions like “Why?” and “How?” Later on in life we realize that there are more important things than learning how the world works. Such as what we want from it, such as what want from ourselves. Goals, accomplishments, plans for the future–these are things that society tells us is important. They are things that people spend their entire lives working towards, because that’s they were brought up that way, or somebody earlier in life said that they should, or they were just imitating people who seemed successful. What really matters in life? Sure, there are things like personal comfort, general health and well-being. Family, friends. But, I think, for us to be truly happy in life, to be completely and utterly content when we die, we have to enjoy what we do, we have to enjoy how we live our lives. People seem to always say things like “Do this because it’s the right thing to do,”or “This is the way you get ahead in life.” And, of course, living life purely in the present is foolish. But, I think, sometimes people forget to live life in the present at all. It’s always work, work, work to get something done, so that later we can get something else done, so that maybe, at the end of the line, we can be successful and happy. But most of the people I know who are financially successful are always stressed out about something or other. I don’t want to be like that, and I don’t want to live like that. On another note, I would very much like the choose the cause of my own death when I die. I would rather it not be a surprise. Perhaps, when I’m old and gray, I’ll sail out into the middle of an ocean and dive into the sea. I’ve been struggling lately in becoming content with death, for when it finally arrives. I think, at least, that I’m more content with it than I used to be. Destruction breeds creation. Death brings life. I think it’s possible for me to come to a point, sometime down the line, where I’m happy in death. When I’ve done all I need to do, seen all I need to see. And then my memories of those moments will be all I need to keep me happy. And when those memories begin to lose meaning, or start to fade away… so can I. Sorry for rambling.