I hate the word “love” by the way. It’s overused, it’s hackneyed, it gets on my nerves whenever I hear it said. Unfortunately, I’ll be using it many times throughout this post. Aaaaand herewego.

So I watched the entire Peach Girl series yesterday. It’s aimed at high-school and younger teenage girls. I, of course, loved it. All 25 episodes and I couldn’t stop.

Here’s the thing. True love is a bunch of bullshit. Loving only one person is, similarly, a bunch of bullshit. Momo loved both Toji and Kairu, and Toji and Kairu both loved Momo. But, the thing is, it would logistically impossible for them to share her.

Love is between two people only because two people is the easiest, strongest, simplest type of relationship. I love you, you love me. We’re in love. It works. It’s easy. When I was younger (high school), I wanted to be in love. I yearned for it. For someone, let’s say, worthy. I always expected that if I truly was in love and knew it, for sure, then it would be reciprocated. Well I was, and, well, it wasn’t. For one, the guy was straight. And it bothered me. Because I’d grown up with the idea that you only love one person ever, and if that person gets away your chance is lost. Forever. And you’d grow up to be a lonely old hag with seventeen cats and no real relationships.

Loving, I’ve come to realize, is not reciprocal by definition. Even if it is, it doesn’t always work out. It doesn’t have to. Love is not “I need you”, it’s “I want to see you happy.” And, of course, part of that requires some form of contact (the seeing). This is because love, like everything else, is selfish. Self-serving. An investment in one’s own happiness (the happier you are, the happier I am). Why does this happen? Similar values, seeing the success of a similar lifestyle or intellectual character. Such things. This also means that love does not require a relationship.

Another thing. Love cannot be forced. To this, you might say, “But of course!” But then imagine, would you love your family if you truly believed this?

I’ve been counting, actually. The people I love. There are four I can say for certain now. Two in high school. One in middle school. One in elementary school.

It has nothing to do with sexual attraction either. Really. Nothing. Out of the eight total, five of them are girls.

I really want to make a list. I love making lists. But I don’t know who will read this.