I finally bought the soundtrack to “The Hours”. Noidea why it took so long. Of course I bought the solo piano version, played by Michael Riesman. Gahhhh I wish I could play piano well. Put that on my list of things to do this year.

It seems that the reason I like Glass’ music so much is that repetitive structures really are so much better metaphors for life than the constantly changing dramaticism of more orthodox classicalists. I mean, how often do routines come to rule our lives? Maybe it’s simply my lack of spontaneity, but I think our lives really just tend to be repetitive structures (days, years, perhaps) with slight variations, building towards certain climactic moments. Our lives really are just routine as we prepare/plan for a goal: getting a job, finding a life partner, working towards that one great symphony, finishing your series of novels, making that historic discovery in your research, etc. We are a species obsessed with looking towards the future, and we’ll do anything to get there.

Another idea, perhaps, is simply that most beautiful things in life are never split-second. You have time to watch them float past, and often they are never even temporal at all (a work of painting, sculpture, a mathematical proof, a novel, etc.) These are things you can enjoy indefinitely. Why do we have to attach temporal limitations on music, then? The idea of repetitive structures sort of acts as the solution to that.

~~~

Anyway. I realized today that there’s a basic dilemma in my own life. If you know me at all, you know I feel most comfortable when I’m alone. People make me uncomfortable, almost necessarily. I used to imagine my perfect life down the road as being a mathematician/musician with my own apartment in Reykjavik or whatever, physically apart from most of humanity but intimately connected with it through technological means, and intellectually through math and emotionally through music, whathaveyou.

What I realized is this: I would get lonely. I think I’ve gotten so used to being alone, in one way or another, that I don’t think much of it anymore. Even when I’m interacting socially with people, I’m rarely ever interacting. Usually I’m just making small-talk, while everything in my head is off dreaming in isolation. I love being able to connect to people through conversation, but the majority of people I meet seem to (1) be incapable of grasping whatever it is I’m trying to say or (2) are too busy to make anything of it. Perhaps it’s simply my poor communcation skills. Perhaps I need to inject more humor into conversation. But whatever the case, I end up being alone no matter what quantity of people is surrounding me. And I’ve gotten so used to this that I no longer expect people to understand me when I speak, so I reserve my speech only for the necessary and the mundane.

Maybe I will meet someone, eventually, who I connect with and feel comfortable connecting with. Not to say that I don’t connect with anyone; actually, I have a number of friends who I connect with to varying degrees and I would probably go mad from depression if I didn’t. It’s just hard to be so alone, I dunno.

Sorry, I’m just whining now. I’ll shut up.

In other news, I’mgoingtoTargettogetamugandawatchandothersuchnecessarythingsomgI’msoexcitedbut
notreallyactuallyI’mjustramblingoutofboredeomandIdon’tknowhowtoendthispostohHOW
doIendthispostIcan’tthinkofANYwaytoendthispost.

Okay.